Better Than I Know Myself
by kerithwyn
Summary: After the forestalled apocalypse, Astrid reflects.


Better Than I Know Myself

Fandom: Fringe

Characters: Astrid Farnsworth, Peter Bishop

Rating: G

Wordcount: ~1,500

Summary: After the forestalled apocalypse, Astrid reflects.

Notes: Post-4x22.

Thanks to samjohnsson for beta!

* * *

The world, thankfully, doesn't end.

It had been touch-and-go for awhile there, although Astrid missed out on the final encounter; a bullet in the gut would have put anyone out of commission. Except Olivia Dunham, maybe. But Astrid doesn't envy Olivia for her new super-powers, given the price tag associated with them.

The slow convalescence gives Astrid time to contemplate the events of the past few months, and her place in the world. Which isn't as secure as she might have believed, given the revelation of a whole different timeline that had been-as Peter explained it-rewritten when he was erased from the world. Alternate universe, okay, you could look at that and see it as something *different*; but knowing your own existence could be wiped away without leaving a trace, and no one would ever realize you were gone-

It's an existential puzzle, Astrid finally decides, essentially unanswerable. And as her father always says, there's no use fretting over things that cannot be changed. What she can do is consider the world she's living in now, and how her friends and colleagues reflect her place in it.

Case in point: The Fringe team had gathered at the side of her hospital bed, before and after the confrontation with Bell.

Agent Broyles displayed the appropriate concern of a supervisor: kind, considerate, and correct.

Olivia- Olivia mouthed all the right words and made all the right expressions of worry, but at a distance.

Walter cried, but Walter was mired in his own guilt, and Astrid was too tired to shoulder that burden like she usually did.

Peter took her hand like a friend.

Astrid needs to know, now. She needs him to tell her about the timeline that he and Olivia shared, and her own place in it. She hadn't wanted the particulars, before. It was all too bizarre and Astrid hadn't wanted to drown in all the details. But she needs to know, now, why Olivia had pulled back.

She needs to know why Peter had taken her hand.

* * *

Astrid has plenty of time to think about the implications of shifting timelines as she slowly heals.

Walter sees Peter as a version of his lost son (and if Peter is correct, he *is* that same boy, although that's still difficult for Astrid to parse). Olivia, of course, has very different and intimate memories of him. But Astrid doesn't have those memories; to her, Peter is an anomaly who appeared in the middle of a lake, thrown into the world without a history, and Astrid doesn't know him at all.

But he knows *her,* that's clear. Peter's smiles toward her are affectionate-not romantic or suggestive in the least, but kind and friendly and warm. He smiles at her like a cherished friend, not just a colleague.

She hasn't earned that. Astrid had tried to be compassionate toward him, when the team learned of his situation. She'd tried to imagine how it must be, surrounded by people who should know him but didn't, and been troubled on his behalf. But Peter Bishop was an unknown quantity, a walking Fringe case, and experience had taught Astrid to tread lightly around such people. As he became more and more a fixture of the lab she'd accepted him as another associate, despite her reservations. Part of her had even been resentful-he'd made himself at home in such a short time more fully than she ever had, and no one ever told Peter to stay behind and tend to the lab work while a case was ongoing. But she wouldn't have traded places with his circumstances for anything.

Olivia getting her memories back had been a kind of trigger for Peter too, to stop looking for a way out of this world and accept it for his own. He'd been polite enough before that, but his behavior toward Astrid softened immediately, his smiles became kinder and more frequent, and Astrid still wanted to know why.

* * *

When she's well enough to return to work, Astrid doesn't waste any more time mulling over the question to herself. Recent events have taught her, definitively, the value of seizing the day.

Peter's taken it on himself to go over every piece of lab equipment, upgrading and improving all the electronics. With their new budget, acquiring replacements for ancient equipment isn't an issue, but both Peter and his father seem to have an inordinate fondness for well-worn devices. Tried and true, Walter might say. It's at least half an excuse to give Peter something to do with his hands and keep himself from running to check on Olivia every five minutes.

Astrid clears her throat to get his attention and launches right in. "Peter, would you tell me about- me, and you?" She stumbles on the words, unsure. "I- you know so much about me, and I'd..."

He stops fiddling with the equipment, turning to face her, and that's another thing about Peter Bishop: he doesn't give his attention in half-measures. "If I've made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry."

She smiles at him because it's not that, or not mostly that. "No, it's just, you have a different perception of our relationship than I do. And I'd like to hear about your version." She pauses and adds, feeling shy, "I...think I like that version."

Peter cocks his head at her, his expression serious. "You know, it's funny-you're not different at all. Olivia is, or was before she remembered. Walter is. But you're exactly the same."

His regard is unnerving. "Is that good or bad?"

"The best." Peter's shoulders relax and he chuckles. "This must be all kinds of creepy to you. And I don't mean to be over-familiar."

"Well," she says, because now she really is sure that she wants to know, "the only way to solve that is to catch me up on what I missed."

Peter nods. "Let me take you to lunch and tell you about it. I'm buying." He adds wryly, "Now that I'm an actual person with an actual paycheck again."

The inference is simultaneously terrifying and hilarious, in their world.

* * *

Over pad thai, Peter tells Astrid about his version of the last three years. Mostly, he relates how the two of them formed a quiet alliance at the back of the lab, a system for dealing with Walter. How one would step in to divert Walter's attention when the other's temper started to fray, allowing the annoyed party a chance to step outside and breathe in non-Fringe-tainted air for awhile.

He keeps emphasizing how valuable her contributions always were, but she detects a common thread in the stories. Astrid arches an eyebrow, certain by now he'll catch her irony. "So what you're telling me is, with you around, I was just a glorified lab assistant."

Peter opens his mouth, closes it, and looks abashed. When he speaks again, it's with a slightly apologetic air. "Well, from a certain point of view..."

"Ben Kenobi is a lying liar who lies. Don't emulate him," she says pointedly, still smiling but with teeth. "And don't think that now that you're back, I'm going to suddenly stop going out in the field." Because there *had* already been a tendency for Olivia to look to Peter first these days, which was understandable, but not something Astrid wanted to encourage. Even if going out into the field had gotten her shot.

"Noted," Peter says, sounding like he means it.

"Although," Astrid adds, musing, "whenever Walter asks me to examine a victim's private parts or excretions? You can take that job."

"Oh, *thank* you," Peter says, all sarcasm, but he's laughing too and Astrid gets it, she really does, how they're friends.

After a moment he looks at her intently, though, and puts down his fork. "Astrid... There is something else. I don't mean to make it sound like we were the Four Musketeers, always in each others' business. Well, Walter and Olivia and I were, but...you kept your life away from the lab very private."

She nods, because that still applies. "Most days I just want to go home and wash all the weirdness off of me, decompress for a few hours. Olivia and I go-went-for drinks sometimes, but that's about it." That's something she wants to work on, too. It isn't Olivia's fault, maybe, but that doesn't mean Astrid has to stand for the new and uncomfortable distance.

Peter, wisely, doesn't address that particular issue. "That sounds about right. But I guess what I'm saying is, I don't feel like I knew that much about your personal life. And I should've asked."

She tilts her head at him but he doesn't go with the obvious follow up. Nothing about Peter Bishop is obvious, except for his love of Olivia. "Tell you what. Let me catch up with you a little, first, and then I'll tell you whatever you want to know. No big secrets or scandals," she adds, in case he was preparing himself for some kind of tabloid reveal. "Just, like you said. Private."

"Fair." He picks up his soda glass in an approximation of a toast. "To friendship, new and renewed."

"To friendship," Astrid agrees with a smile, and taps his glass with her own.

{end}

* * *

My favorite little moment in the finale was, no lie, Peter taking Astrid's hand. And I keep thinking about this interview with Jasika Nicole:

**Insider:** I'm curious because this season has shifted many of the storylines and I feel like Olivia sort of took over for Astrid when it came to Walter. I know that was a relationship you cherished, so how did you feel about that choice?

**Jasika:** I'll be honest with you, I thought, "Then what is Astrid doing on this show?" She's a peripheral character, doesn't have a lot to do with the storyline – she's there more to show off the other characters. I think you learn a lot about Walter through Astrid. And I'm fine with all of that. So when they took that away, it was a personal struggle I had. Eventually, for my own sanity, the story I came up with is that because Walter and Olivia weren't as interested in having a relationship with Peter, that **Astrid would be the only person who made Peter feel like he was in a safe place.** I don't want to say that the writers don't think about all the details, but they have so many characters to be in charge of – I only have one character to be in charge of, so if there's something lacking, it's huge to me.

- aka, when the actors are more engaged in what their characters should be doing than the writers. (And now I really, desperately want season 4 AU Peter/Astrid fic.)

For much (much) more, see my page at AO3. Link in my profile.


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